A Woman Resolves to Keep Digging
We don’t use our stories to manipulate, shock, celebrate sin, or bring attention to ourselves. We use our stories as bridges… in order that we may encourage…others toward…running their race in honor of God.
Christine Hoover – Messy Beautiful Friendship
Several months ago, my friend Bethany (a pseudonym), told her story—a story filled with incidents of childhood abuse, including sexual abuse from a religious leader. (Note: To read these posts, go to www.suereeve.com, and check archived posts, April 11-April 28, 2016. The 6-part series was entitled “The Little Girl Inside Our Story.”) Beginning to pass on her story wasn’t easy for Bethany. I appreciate her courage and admire the resilience of this beautiful woman’s spirit. Today’s post is the first of six about Bethany’s journey into freedom and wellness. I’m sure you’ll appreciate these posts…
It was a warm spring afternoon a couple years ago. While washing dishes, I watched my two little boys dig for worms. They dug with such enthusiasm. When they found a worm, you would have thought they found buried treasure, not simply a slimy, wriggling worm.
I had been struggling with intense feelings of emptiness. While watching my boys dig for worms, a thought crossed my mind. What if I searched for a way to live a more fulfilled life with as much enthusiasm as they looked for worms? Would I find it?
That day I started digging, really digging for how to get out of the rut of ‘good enough’ I’d been living in. I decided I would do whatever it took to find out how to live my life to be the Me-God-created-me-to-be. I knew she wasn’t the anxious, angry, insecure girl with whom I’d been living.
Since that day, I have worked hard—really hard! I’ve cried, I’ve lost sleep, I’ve faced things I would rather have just left forgotten. I’ve gotten vulnerable. I’ve learned to stand up for myself. And, it has all been worth it!
I know how it feels to not even know where to start. In the early days of digging, I asked: Where do I even begin? What if I try, and fail? Then, the day came when instead of asking only these questions, I also started asking: What if I never try? What if I die the same person I am today? That possibility seemed worse than the unknown of what would happen if I did try.
One day at a time, one tiny step at a time, each day, each step praying for God’s help, I’ve slowly started to dig my way out of the pit where I believe Satan wanted me stay.
Each person’s journey is different. In the next five Listening on the Journey… blog posts, I am going to share steps that have helped me on mine.
My hope and prayer for you is that my story will help you become the You-God-created-you-to-be!
The other morning when Ron and I were walking on the boardwalk at the Coeur d’Alene Resort, I was struck by the beauty of this person parasailing across the water. I thought, “Sometimes, like Bethany needed to do, we need to dig before we can soar.