(We’d sung the song by Matt Redman, Your Grace Finds Me, as a congregation many times, but one Sunday last summer, the words in the refrain impacted me differently.
Your grace finds me;
Yes, Your grace finds me!
Since that Sunday, I keep being reminded of ways God’s grace has found me in the past, finds me in the present, and I’m assured, will continue to find me in the future.)
Grace to Battle ‘The Insecurities’
A few evenings ago, I was working on a blog post entitled Amazing Grace. I felt certain it was a relevant topic and would speak to readers, especially my friend who was suffering as she watched her younger sister struggle with severe depression.
I was almost finished writing the post and decided to join Ron and watch one of the television programs we like—a not-too-graphic detective show.
I’d no sooner settled in to watch TV when ‘The Insecurities’ began hounding me, taunting,
What do you think you’re doing trying to write a blog?
No one cares to read what an old woman like you has to say.
Besides, you don’t write well enough. You know that, don’t you?
The only readers you’ll have are people who either like you or feel sorry for you!
Why don’t you just forget about writing and retire for real!
If I didn’t understand I’m not the only woman who deals with ‘The Insecurities.’ I’d be embarrassed to tell you about the apprehensive, insidious voices that seemed to come from nowhere and bombard me that evening. But, I know most women are well acquainted with this menace.
A while back I read a Facebook post. The writer is an attractive, athletic, thoughtful, well-educated, accomplished professional. She has a great husband, beautiful children and lovely home.
One of those women you look at and feel certain she has it all.
Yet, her Facebook entry revealed she too knows ‘The Insecurities.’ She posted she was hesitant to attend her high school class reunion because she dreaded seeing a classmate who’d made a rude comment to her. Years later, she remembered his exact words—words still causing pain and shame.
Oh, the power of messages from our childhood and adolescence!
‘The Insecurities’ still had power to overwhelm this accomplished woman. She couldn’t escape a comment levied by an adolescent male who had an over-abundance of testosterone, under-developed impulse control, plus a woeful lack of discretion!
‘The Insecurities’ strike without warning, reduce our spirits and dissolve sensible reasoning.
That’s what happened to me the other night. I recognized what was occurring, and while watching some action-packed detective show on television, I decided to fight back.
But, how does one fight such an elusive enemy?
One of my 2016 goals is to spend a few minutes first thing every morning before I leave the bedroom and last thing every evening before I turn off the light meditating on Scripture and reading a short inspirational devotional.
I set this goal because of a special Christmas gift I received. My daughter, Sarah, asked her talented friend, Jen, to paint a plaque, which contains a portion of one of my favorite Scriptures, Psalm 1:1-3. Verse 2, which is not on the plaque, says a Psalm 1 woman ‘delights in the law of the LORD and meditates upon it day and night.’ I realized that while I delight in Scripture, I wasn’t meditating on it day and night, and I decided to make that change.
The evening I was assaulted by ‘The Insecurities,’ one of the first Scriptures I read before turning in for the night was Philippians 4:8. … Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Messages I was given earlier fit NONE of these criteria.
Ephesians 6:17 tells us the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God is the offensive weapon we can use to fight spiritual battles like those I determined to wage against ‘The Insecurities.’
When I set the 2016 goal, my intention wasn’t to meditate on Scripture in order to fight spiritual battles. Now, I wonder, was that at least one of the reasons I was prompted to set such a goal?
Could it be I chose to fight ‘The Insecurities’ because of my earlier decision to meditate on Scripture morning and evening? You see, way too often, my tendency is to let voices like those lead me into self-doubt and cause me to retreat.
My decision to fight lies levied at me made a difference. The Amazing Grace blog post encouraged my friend. She sent it to her older sister who lives in another state, and the message encouraged her. Her sis forwarded it to women in her prayer group, and one of those women reported the words helped her. My friend made a copy of the post and plans one day to give it to her little sister who is now out of the hospital, taking positive steps toward healing.
The enemy of my soul attacked me in an area where I am not only vulnerable but also an area I believe God wants to use to build up and encourage the faith of readers whose spiritual ears are committed to Listening on the Journey…
Thank you, Lord, for helping me the other evening recognize the lies of insecurity, which tried to prevent me from writing words I believe You wanted me to write. Thank you for giving us the offensive weapon ‘the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.’ Please, Lord, raise up a mighty regiment of soldiers who are willing to fight ‘The Insecurities!’
Blessings as you continue to listen and take up the ‘sword of the Spirit’…