Relinquishing What I Cannot Change
Sue Reeve
In the 1930’s or 40’s, a Christian theologian wrote a powerful prayer. The first part is especially well known, and has become a life-line to millions of people endeavoring to choose a better way to journey through life.
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time:
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and
Supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Amen
~Reinhold Niebuhr http://www.cptryon.org/prayer/special/serenity
As I was thinking about the words in this prayer several years ago, I drew three columns on a note pad. I named the first column I Cannot Change. The second column was I Can Change, and on the top of the third column, I added a row of ??????.
That day, The Serenity Prayer—words recited by many at the conclusion of their 12-step groups—became for me a very practical, personal and powerful prayer. Since then, I’ve categorized much of my life into these three columns—sometimes written, but often mentally. The very simple prayer tool I developed follows below.
- The first column helps me identify that which I have no power to change. For starters, I realized I would do well to remember I cannot change:
- Any other person.
- Any of my past failures—or successes.
- My family of origin.
- Certain genetic factors.
- The second column identifies what I can change. For example, I can…
- Change a particular behavior to improve physical wellness.
- Take some action that will increase knowledge or skill.
- Become more deliberate about building or improving an interpersonal relationship.
- Seek ways to grow in my faith journey.
- The third column often represents a dream requiring time to develop. I’ve called this column my “I Don’t Have a Clue” or “I Don’t Know Yet” column. Recently, I’ve renamed this third column: Surprise Me, God!
As I considered the Serenity Prayer columns, I began asking this question: “Okay, just how much energy am I giving to things listed in the I Cannot Change column?” I realized, at times most of my emotional or spiritual energy was being spent on a person, event or circumstance over which I have absolutely no control.
Rather than dwelling on what I cannot change, I can choose to redirect time and energy to accomplish something in the I Can Change column. This results in feelings of success rather than failure. Redistribution of my energy empowers me to take even more live-giving steps.
Greater energy and creativity enable me to focus on Column 3. When that long awaited God-Surprise-Me Gift arrives, I’m ready to recognize and receive it.
I’m so aware that even though I’ve made a lot of progress, I haven’t mastered the Serenity Prayer discipline. My journey still has segments of three steps forward and two steps back—sometimes even two and a half steps back! But, I know the God of Serenity will always be loving, gracious and patient with me as I learn the joy of
Living one day at a time:
Enjoying one moment at a time;
May the God of peace be with you all…(Romans 15:33)
Absolutely love this. Thanks. The Serenity Prayer means a lot to me, along with One Day at a Time. I am thankful, to God, as well, for all of this and more. S
I love this prayer. Have journals and plaques with it all over my house I made a copy of your blog and read this at my 12 step group. (Nar-Anon, for friends and families of addicts) What a blessing. Thank you.