by Sue Reeve
I talk to a lot of women, and I’m becoming convinced female insecurity is of epidemic proportion. Women are insecure about all sorts of things:
- Women are insecure about what other people think about
- their husbands,
- their kids,
- their educational degree or lack of one,
- the type car they drive,
- their hairstyle,
- athletic prowess,
- decorating ability,
- decision to be a mom who stays home full time or works outside the home,
- whether they will homeschool, send their children to private or public school,
- have their kids vaccinated, or
- whether to eat meat, go vegan or practice the Paleo food plan.
- Women are insecure about messages they’ve absorbed:
- harsh, ignorant or simply careless childhood messages received from parents, siblings and peers,
- harsh messages from teachers, bosses, co-workers, neighbors
- insensitive or unkind messages from spouses or children—those we love most.
- Women are insecure about size:
- the size of their house,
- the size jeans they wear;
- the size of their breasts, their hips, their thighs,
- even the size of their feet, for Heaven’s sake!
- Women are insecure about
- cultural messages screaming from movies, television, videos or magazines,
- not living up to relational, sexual or career expectations.
- Women are insecure about their aging bodies
- the appearance of each new gray hair,
- the emergence of each new wrinkle.
- Women are insecure about the possibility of losing their identity
- to marriage,
- to motherhood
- to career.
- Women whose faith is important are insecure about
- living up to the expectations of those in their faith community
- God’s approval and acceptance.
In the past few months, I’ve experienced personally or heard some woman I know talk of their insecurity in all of these areas.
So, what’s the anecdote for insecurity? I believe in order to counteract insecurity, we need to:
- Identify the issue.
- Assess the source.
- Determine what’s true, and
- Finally, we need to learn how to walk in that truth.
I really dislike step-by-step processes like the one I just gave. On the surface the solution seems to be so matter of fact, but it’s not. The roots of our insecurities often run deeply, and ridding them doesn’t occur easily.
Let me illustrate with a personal story. One of my greatest insecurities is a fear of being abandoned. I’ve assessed the source and understand it comes from two incidents. The first was a careless remark my father made to me when I was a little girl about five years old. I remember the exact question I asked my daddy, his flippant response and the terror it created in my little-girl heart. The second source was deliberate rejection by a person I loved.
Through the years I’ve had several dreams in which I’m abandoned and left frightened and all alone. Just recently, I dreamed my husband, Ron, told me he didn’t love me and that he was leaving me. I woke from the dream, heart pounding, drenched in sweat. When I awoke sufficiently to reason, I talked myself through the truth of this dream. Truth: In over 30 years of marriage, Ron has never once said he questioned his love for me. Truth: He’s never even suggested a thought of leaving me.
Next, I arose from bed, grabbed a spiral bound index card book in which I’ve written many different Scriptures that speak truth to my spirit. I took this book to our bathroom, turned the toilet into a chair and fought for the truth by repeating ancient Truths until my heartbeat returned to normal and my body temperature become chilly, yearning for the warmth of our bed and Ron’s body next to mine. I returned to bed, fell asleep and talked my dream over with my husband in the morning.
Will this dream reoccur at some point? Perhaps. But, once again, I’ll remind myself of that which is truth and will once again fight the insecurity, assured. Truth will triumph! One of my new favorite songs is one sung by Matthew West, with lyrics declaring, “Grace wins every time!”
John, 8:31 and 32 describes a discussion Jesus had with some people who believed in him, saying “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
I’ve committed my life to the truth of Jesus’s teachings. That truth has freed me from the strong clutches of insecurity many times.
My next post will be a Memorial Day Memory to my father who served in World War II. On June 2, I’ll resume the talk I gave on Woven by Grace and will discuss how grace is woven into our insufficiencies. I hope you’ll join me then. Until next time…
Blessings on your journey as you walk into the security of truth!
Photo by Connie Lloyd
that I may walk in your truth; Ps. 86:11