Comparison That Destroys…
A few weeks ago, the second point of the pastor’s sermon said simply, “Comparison kills contentment!” I’ve had a difficult time shaking the truth of his point.
One common and destructive reason people cannot accept their unique God design is because of comparison.
Comparison grows from a fear that I am not enough. Fear leads to insecurity. Insecurity causes us to judge who is better than I and who is worse. When we compare, we are exalting some as well as diminishing others.
Comparison leads to envy and jealousy. While related, envy and jealousy “are distinct emotions. Whereas envy is a reaction to another person’s seemingly unfair advantage or possession, jealousy is a reaction to a perceived threat of losing someone you already ‘possess’ in some sense—usually a person with whom you have a special relationship—to a third party.”[i]
Neither envy nor comparison is healthy. Both are exhausting!
Why do we compare ourselves to others? I liked David Wiebe’s explanation:
“We compare because our ego prompts us to compare. When we identify as our ego, we only pay attention to surface-level matters. Everything becomes about who we are and where we stand relative to others. It becomes about looking good and avoiding looking bad.”[ii]
So, what is the anecdote for comparison. I have a few thoughts from my personal experience and observation:
1) Self-awareness. I cannot change that of which I’m not even aware. The roots of comparison are established in childhood. Significant adults often unintentionally plant seeds of comparison by comparing one child to a sibling, another family member, or peer. Comparison is especially harmful to an introverted or highly sensitive child.
Children by their very nature tend to be egocentric. As an adult, when they unpack childhood stories with a trusted counselor, awareness awakens. At that point, ways of thinking and acting may be altered if they choose to do the necessary work.
2) God-awareness. It is one thing to be told God loves you. It’s quite another to realize in the deepest part of who I am that God REALLY, TRULY, DEEPLY, UNCONDITIONALLY LOVES me—little old ME—simply as I am and for who I am. Much personal Bible study, talking with God in my darkest moments, and working with a Spiritual Director have helped me to not only believe theologically God loves me, but to trust with little doubt that the God of the Universe knows and still loves me.
3) Gratitude. The power of gratitude cannot be overstated. According to Harvard University where much research has occurred regarding happiness and resilience, “In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”[iii]
These three points are good reminders to me, and I hope they are to you as well.
