Moving Beyond “It’s About Me”

The prayer of Ignatius “Suscipe” is one I believe God wants me to focus on during 2023 and seems appropriate for today’s post.

If you did not read Monday’s post, I hope you’ll take a few minutes to check it out before reading todays.

I concluded that post with this question:

So, what do we do when another person throws a ball of hurtful words, unrestrained anger, unwelcomed criticism, or their own negative energy at us?

Here are three steps I believe will be helpful to both you and me:

Step 1:  Receive that “ball” and clutch it closely to my heart. 

  • Permit myself to feel the hurt before acting. Wallow a bit in the pain. My feelings are not wrong. They matter!

  • It’s important to not stay stuck in Step 1 but do allow time to get in touch with how I “feel.”

  • Examine what may lie beneath my feelings. Ask:

    • Is my anger fueled by past pains or fear?

    • Is any guilt I feel condemnation or is it a lesson God wants to help me learn?

    • Does truth in the other person’s words invite me to recognize negative emotions such as pride, envy, comparison, or shame?

    • At this moment, look at motivation. Am I tempted to consider revenge; build a wall; isolate; assume undue responsibility; or passively ignore or minimize the offense?

Step 2:  Take that “ball” and imagine pitching it heavenward.

  • Permit my wounded soul to run into the loving arms of the Father of Compassion and the God of all comfort … (2 Corinthians 1:3)

  • Confess areas of conviction and negative emotions I know will damage my soul. (1 John 1:9)

  • Reject condemnation, declaring truth that … there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).

  • Let God know I forgive—or at least want to forgive—the offending person. Ask for the Spirit’s help to show me how to forgive fully or if needed, offer a sincere apology. (Matthew 6:14-15; John 14:26)

  • Pray for wisdom and direction to take the next healthy step toward reconciliation and restoration if—and when—possible. (Psalms 25:4-5; James 1:5).

  • Practice restraint until I feel certain I have received Divine directions to initiate action. (Ephesians 6:13b)

  • Ask God to bless and help the person who hurt me. This may be difficult but is very freeing! (Luke 6:28)

Step 3:  Finally, don’t grab hold of that “ball” again. Instead toss it back graciously to the person who threw those hurtful words; unleashed toxic anger or unwelcomed criticism; or deflected their own negative energy at me. Move forward. Focus on my God design and doing the “good work” God created me to do! (Ephesians 2:10)

The words I write today are intended only as helpful considerations. Often, hurtful interpersonal interactions have deep roots. You may need the counsel of a trusted, godly, mature friend; the expertise of a qualified therapist; the encouragement and accountability of a life coach; or the soul friendship of a spiritual director to work through the painful encounter. I have sought guidance from each, which has been invaluable. 

Blessings on Your Journey,


Previous
Previous

My Guiding Word Comes into Focus!

Next
Next

Perhaps It’s Not About Me